10/30/07

At A Loss

My daughter is at a loss; at a loss to understand, at a loss to know what to do with her grief. She is devastated. I’m at a loss to know what to say to her.

This past weekend she lost a friend. Josh was murdered. He graduated with her in May; he was only 18 years old. He worked in a pizza shop in a good part of town. A young man came to rob the place and instead of just taking the money and leaving he shot and killed the manager and Josh.

I keep saying I’m sorry. I keep saying that I’m praying – for Josh, for his parents, for her and for Josh’s other friends. For his mom; I’m saying a lot of prayers for his mom. I know that an 18 year-old is still your baby. He is survived by siblings, by grandparents, by a great-grandparent, by lots of aunts and uncles. It is a nightmare; a horror of a situation that I can barely grasp. It takes my breath.

I’ve never had someone close to me murdered. What do I say to her? What do you tell your child about this kind of utterly senseless violence toward an innocent person? I keep asking myself why didn’t they just take the money and go? Why couldn’t they have just taken the money? Why not just take the money? The killer did not know Josh. Why not just take the money????????

She can’t get the thought out of her head that they made him lay on the floor and shot him in the back of the head. I am crying just typing it. It tears my heart up to think of it. My God, who can do such a thing? How can it be that no one can fix this? She called last night crying. She had deleted his number from her phone. What can I say?

My daughter is 18 years old and she has attended as many funerals in the last two years as I have in my life. A friend overdosed, a friend committed suicide, a friend fell and was killed at her home, car accidents. And now cold-blooded murder. When will it stop? What is going on? This level of gut-wrenching loss wasn’t happening to me when I was 18. I was attending the funerals of grandparents and great old uncles.

This has been the hardest. For Josh’s death there is no answer. There is no sense to be made here.

She is at a loss.

I hope she can find a footing, find a path through this, soon. She lost a friend but she’s gained a kindred soul who has been released from any pain or fear and lives in happiness and hope and sunshine. Dark days here make this so difficult to remember or for some to believe. I pray she feels Josh’s presence in peace, and that she feels God’s presence at the service today and in gathering with their friends, and that her heart can begin to heal.

And I pray for the gentle repose of Josh’s soul. May he rest in peace.

17 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

Oh, Amy! That is just awful. I am so sorry.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

OH my gosh Amy!!! I just had chills run down my entire body. I know exactly the murder you are talking about but did not personally know anyone affected by it. Today on Caitlin's field trip I was talking to her teacher who told me they had to find a replacement bus driver today as the woman was the grandmother to the boy you are talking about.

I am so sorry for the family and that your daughter lost a friend. Alan and I have been talking about what a tragic waste this was. Just horrible.

slouching mom said...

Oh, no. That is terrible. Unthinkable. I am so sorry for the family of that boy (and yes, he was still a boy) and for your daughter.

That's not something anyone should have to try to comprehend.

Jenny said...

How tragic! I will be praying for your family and for Josh's family.

courtcourt said...

I learned quickly when my daughter died that there wasn't much that people said to make me feel better, except to try to focus on the memories of the good times that we were privileged to have, so that's all the "commentary" I'm going to pass along. I know that it's hard those first days though.

I will also be sending my prayers up, for him, for his family, and for your family.

nell said...

Oh, that is just awful! I am so sorry. I will keep your sister in my thoughts.

Sleeping Mommy said...

Your poor girl--I can't imagine experiencing that much loss at such a young age...I'm praying for your daughter and her friend's family and friends.

I hope she finds some meaning for herself in these losses. The losses themselves are senseless and tragic, but I've come to believe (through my own senseless losses) that there was a reason I had to go through all that grief, to make me the person I am meant to be.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

What a tragedy. My heart is breaking for Josh's loved ones.

Rimarama said...

Oh, how horrible. I hope that your daughter can find a way to cope with this loss. Eighteen. God.

Pamela Kramer said...

Amy,
You are doing and saying everything just right. There is no right answer and lending your ear means everything to her right now. ((Hugs))

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

I can't imagine the feeling of losing a child at any time... I sit and faswforward Braden's face to that age and then watch it disappear, and it's just awful.

I pray for his family, your daughter, and her friends.

Peace.

Steph said...

Oh, Amy. I just don't even have words adequate to the situation. I'm so, so sorry.

Bananas said...

What an awful tragedy. I firmly believe that there are some things that cannot be explained, they can only be felt.

itsjustme said...

The death of someone so young is so tragic and unexplainable. Just keep listening to her and let time do its healing.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your daughter, for you, and for the family. My thoughts are with you all.
xoxo
steph

Ashley said...

Your poor daughter and her friends. I can relate to her situation all too well. My brother's bestfriend, who was like a member of our family, was murdered (also execution style) at 17.

Our small town was also in the middle of an epidemic of teenage deaths, I had also been to so many funerals, but this is the one that has always stuck with me. The other deaths you could usually reconcile with somehow teaching a lesson or sending a message, but murder is just so senseless and unresolved.

I think the only thing that helps is time, but she'll always think about him. I'm sorry she's going through this.

Victoria said...

Oh, I'm so very sorry. How tragic and absolutely unnecessary. Sigh.

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