1/11/08

Un-Disney

You're takin' me to Disney World?!? That's an outrage! I don't wanna go to no stinkin' pansy-a*s Disney World!

Stop! No! Don't take us to Disney World!


What kid doesn't like Disney World?

Mine.

We went into the Magic Kingdom, walked around for a while, ate a hot dog, and left.

Who does that? Glances around Disney World and LEAVES?

We did.

Reason #1: A cold front was coming to Florida. We had the stupid brilliant idea to go to Disney the day the cold front hit. I read in the Unofficial Guide to Disney 2008 that January and February were light crowds. That fact, coupled with the cold, would make for really light crowds. Sound logical?

Well, Holy Mother Mouse Ears! Where is Global Warming when I need it? It was FREEZING! Here's a Disney tip, free of charge: they do not sell hats, gloves, scarves, mittens, parkas, or fleecy throws even on the coldest day of the year, no matter what you are willing pay. And there is no where NEAR enough indoor seating at any cafe or restaurant. We sat on the ground in a weak patch of sun to eat hot dogs it took 45 minutes in line to get and drink hot chocolates to keep our innards from freezing.

Reason #2: The place was PACKED. The Unofficial Guide fails to mention that the first week of January is not included in "January and February have lighter crowds." Still being part of the holidays I guess, there were 3.7 million people there. People in flip flops. People without coats, wearing shorts. And these blue, under dressed people would.not.leave so that we, shivering in our layers of long sleeved clothing, could ride something.

Another helpful tip: Disney is NOT FUN when there is a minimum 80 minute wait on everything in the freezing cold with a five-year old who thinks Disney is stupid and a baby with a double ear infection. You will ride nothing.

Reason #3: As to this Disney-hating kid of mine, turns out it is Disney's own fault for not strapping on a pair when marketing to the boys.

Because of Disney's highly successful (read: shameless and boundless and endless) peddling of all things princess to the nation's little girls, my son goes to school with classmates who are addicts; princess OD is everywhere he looks. He therefore totally associates Disney with all things pink, princessy, and girly.

Once I realized he was in no way excited about Disney, I developed a strategy, because that's the way I roll: Head for Adventureland and Pirates of the Caribbean, and then on to Frontierland for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. To say nothing of Space Mountain. You know, the guy stuff. I had a map. I knew exactly what to do to hook him.

Could.Not.Get.Near.The.Rides.

He just wanted to go back to the hotel and swim thankyouverymuch.

(We did go to Tom Sawyer Island and spent about a hour exploring which Shark Boy enjoyed. At the Fort there are guns you can shoot at the passing riverboat. Big hit. (There's a strategy for you Disney, if you want the boys back, guns!) And we got to do the Swiss Family Robinson Tree House, which he was duly impressed with. That's all folks. (Oops - Looney Tunes crept into my Disney.))

Walking past the Castle I exclaimed to Shark Boy, "Look! A real castle! Isn't it amazing?"


"It's stupid," he said.

"Do you think Cinderella lives there?"

"Maybe a dead one. Can we go now?"

Geesh. Boys.

After wandering around for a couple of hours, me longingly looking toward Fantasyland, with it's real live Hundred Acre Wood and Peter Pan's Flight, and Dumbo the Flying Elephant, we ducked into a large Space-themed eatery in Tomorrowland to get more hot drinks and thaw out.

The boys warmed up and finally got REALLY REALLY EXCITED about DISNEY WORLD!!

This is just the best vacation ever...slobber...


Wow! Disney World is so amazing...snore...



They made me go to Disney World for my first birthday!! Someone adopt me from these crazy people!

And then there was the thing with the police and the man-of-war...

19 comments:

Rima said...

"Maybe a dead one."

HaHaHaHaHaHa! Love it.

My kids aren't going to Disney World until they can drive themselves.

Nap Warden said...

Wait...did I read this right...hated Disney?

Andrea said...

Awww! They're so cute when they're sleeping!

Sorry Disney sucked so bad for you guys. I'm afraid to go... My friend Heather had the right idea, though - leave the kids at home with the grandparents and just go to Disney with the hubby!

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

OMG this is making me laugh OUT LOUD! Good thing I am home today. Those photos are priceless!

My husband went to Disney once when he was 13 and apparently he just loathed it. We still have not been (and thank you for the early January tip!)

Sugarplum's Mom said...

oh man... I've been wanting to go to Disneyland so bad. Hubby insists on waiting until Sugarplum is actually tall enough to go on rides... like she should have fun too. Darnit.

Rachel said...

Okay, you said the P word. I am officially rolling.
We've never been (i know) and this glowing *snort* review just has my engine revving. Um okay.
Those pictures. Amy, you're a riot!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Thanks for the tip. Everytime we mention going to Florida to the boyz, my oldest pipes up that he doesn't want to go to Disney, that he wants to go to the NICK HOTEL. You know, with SPONGEBOB. Needless to say, the Trenches family won't be heading to the sunny south anytime soon...

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Oh that sucks.

Makes me feel like it isn't such a horror that my kids are 7 and 5 and still haven't been.

Leigh said...

Priceless!!! Definatly will remember that family vacation.

wheelsonthebus said...

I must say, my elder child would not go anywhere near it if there were guns everywhere. Zachary told me he did not want to play at his best friend's house because he has toy guns. Good heavens; apparently, he actually listens to me.

Seriously -- Tom Sawyer island is pure genius. It is so much less structured and pre-fabricated than the rest of the place.

I am sorry it was such a lousy trip. We loved Disney before having kids but I wonder what it will be like when we go back with little ones.

nell said...

Hmm, maybe Shark Boy can come talk some sense into my princess-obsessed girls? They could use a little perspective.

Sorry it was such a flop. I'm pretty much in the scared to even try it camp, although Steve really want to take the girls. Someday, someday.

Stephanie said...

Maybe a dead one. HEE!!!

Groovy Mom said...

My husband wants to take the kids to Disneyland (never been to Disney World) this year, but I'm having a lot of trouble getting excited about a vacation that will cost us $4000 to Disneyland where we will wait in line all day and fight crowds. :-P I'm with your kids. That second photo is hilarious!

I'm just bopping around blogland and your blog name caught my eye!

courtcourt said...

What day did you go that there were crowds?! Crazy!! (It REALLY is usually not that crowded in January. If it was crowded, picture that times four, and that's how it is in March. Four hour waits for Dumbo.)

It really must be different for boys!

Audubon Ron said...

Nope, the picture of the kid in the top photo scared me, I'm outta here. See you next post.

pootandcubby said...

Sorry, I'm late on commenting on this one. I loved it! Is it awful that I was a bit excited that your kids hated Disney? You're right, it is - it's just that my sister keeps trying to convince me to take my children and I really, really don't want to ever go. I shall be forwarding her this post.

By the way, the pictures (especially the first two) had me laughing out loud. So classic.

-andi

Noel said...

LOL! The evil Disney!

moosh in indy. said...

That's pretty much how our first trip to DLand went.
Most expensive disappointment ever.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Oh what a bummer! I still love Disney and have not yet made it to Tom Sawyer island. Sorry your trip was a bust :(

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