Shark Bites

Sound Bites From Shark Boy

After a long silence, from the backseat comes this random query:

"Mom, remember when chiggers bit my wiener?"

(So I'm trying to not drive into a ditch while choking, smiling, and trying to keep Vitamin water from coming out my nose. )


Honey Bear loves to splash water. Toilet water will do. One day as he's headed for it I pick him up and say "No, no, the toilet is not a toy."

Shark Boy observes dryly, "Well, it is called a toy - let."

(Nothing like a wise-ass 5-year old to keep you on your toes.)

Again, randomly from the backseat:

"Mom, let me tell you about the profound changes that occur in the ocean at night."

(Yes, he often talks like a BBC documentary.)

SB: "Mom, Dad is evil. "
Me: "Why would you say that? Dad's not evil."
SB: "He is. He put me in time out."
Me: "Well, that's probably because you did something evil."
SB: "No, what I did was bad. Dad, however, is evil."

SB: "Mom, who won the Civil War?"
Me: "The Civil War? Shark, do you know who fought in the Civil War?"
SB: "Grandaddy?"

Eating Skittles:

"Mom, these orange and green ones have outstanding taste-ez!"




Sugarplum is in the kitchen fixing Shark Boy a snack.

Shark: "I want you to be the mom!"
Sugarplum: "Why?"
Shark: "Cause Mom is mean. She thinks she's the boss."
Sugarplum: "Well, she is the boss."
Shark: "No, I'm the boss! I'm goin' to be the boss and mom is out of it!"
Sugarplum: "Yeah, that's what I thought too. (under her breath) You'll learn."


Newborn Honey Bear begins to cry. P and I both get up. Shark Boy says to P:

"No Dad, you stay here with me. The baby is Mom's problem."


In Target:

"Mom, can I have a Coke?"

"No, you may not. We're going home to have dinner. You don't need Coke."

(resignedly) "Well, it's not often I'm seen with caffeine."


Audubon Ron said...

The darn dest things they say. Did he really have chiggers on his wiener?

Well I use to sing, “Theeeeere’s a sketer on my Peter knock it off…”

Anonymous said...

My kids talk in documentary too and in commercials. "Mom, you really need the buxton organizer because you can find everything you need with a BLINDFOLD on!" I like the toy-let too, that was a good one.

Heather said...

So, do you walk around with a notebook, or just have a tape recorder going all day? You'd have to to get all of those precious gems.

Rima said...

These were so funny. I think Shark Boy definitely gets his razor sharp wit from you ;)

Nell said...

Adorable AND hilarious! Boy's got it all. Matilda thinks she's in charge too, when does that change? When to they resign themselves and calmly submit to my authority?

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Shark Boy sounds like he is a born comedian!

Anonymous said...

"Let me tell you about the profound changes..." and "It's not often I'm seen with caffeine" are my absolute favorites. Priceless!

Angela said...

Aw........I loved this!

Rachel said...

L-O-V-E Shark Bites. That is tooo cute!
I see Miss O growing up to talk just like this. She's 4 and seriously, those two are soul mates. She is always talking just like that.

Unknown said...

Toy-let! I almost snorted my water! And pickled peckers? ROFLMAO!

Alison said...

First time visitor here. He is hilarious! My just-turned-5 year old daughter makes me snort vitamin water out of my nose too. And also sounds like an announcer on Animal Planet. "Mom, did you know that of all the pelicans, the African pelican has the longest beak?"

Um, no. No, I did not know that.

Hillary (Mrs. Einstein) said...

What a riot!


Anonymous said...

He kills me!

The "profound changes" and "toy-let" were the bestest.

Jenny said...

Kid talk at it's best. Too funny! Although the chigger thing made me a litte creepy...what IS a chigger anyway? Do I want to know?

Felicia said...

Hahaha... Loved the shark bites! Too cute!

Anonymous said...

Those rock! Print this post and put it in a memory book.

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

"Mom, remember when chiggers bit my wiener?" should be either a blog name or a bumper sticker!

Unknown said...

lol great! "Mommy remember when chiggers bit my wiener?" and "its a TOY-let" is a great one to!

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