Shark Boy started Zoo Camp this week and the theme is "The Scoop on Poop."
Perfect for a little boy who whispers to me when in public, "Mom, I have to go scat."
So, it was disappointing to pick him up and find him covered in blood instead of dung.
He was accidentally nailed by another kid on the jungle gym and had quite the gusher (see exhibit A).
When I left the house this morning I said casually, "Have fun today! Don't get eaten by a bear!"
Then Back-Of-My-Mind-Amy was all like, "Whoa. There are so many dangerous animals at the zoo. Surely the staff are trained to handle kids in that environment, right? I mean, the zoo doesn't want any lawsuits over kids with their arms bitten off or swallowed whole by an anaconda. He'll be fine. They have a first aid station. Do they have my new cell number? It's not like he'll be cleaning out cages or anything. But then, how would I know that for sure..."
Cause my mind does that to me. All the damn time.
In the car on the way home I asked what animal they learned about and he said tigers and somethingorother I wasn't listening at that point because he was saying how he'd fed the tiger.
"Um, 'scuse me?"
"The tiger. I fed him."
"You mean you helped prepare his food?"
"Yep. Then we fed him, just like you feed a dog. I held my hand out and fed him! He was a trained tiger. Some kids were scared but not me!"
"??"
If he was messing with me, he was really, really good.
Perfect for a little boy who whispers to me when in public, "Mom, I have to go scat."
So, it was disappointing to pick him up and find him covered in blood instead of dung.
He was accidentally nailed by another kid on the jungle gym and had quite the gusher (see exhibit A).
When I left the house this morning I said casually, "Have fun today! Don't get eaten by a bear!"
Then Back-Of-My-Mind-Amy was all like, "Whoa. There are so many dangerous animals at the zoo. Surely the staff are trained to handle kids in that environment, right? I mean, the zoo doesn't want any lawsuits over kids with their arms bitten off or swallowed whole by an anaconda. He'll be fine. They have a first aid station. Do they have my new cell number? It's not like he'll be cleaning out cages or anything. But then, how would I know that for sure..."
Cause my mind does that to me. All the damn time.
In the car on the way home I asked what animal they learned about and he said tigers and somethingorother I wasn't listening at that point because he was saying how he'd fed the tiger.
"Um, 'scuse me?"
"The tiger. I fed him."
"You mean you helped prepare his food?"
"Yep. Then we fed him, just like you feed a dog. I held my hand out and fed him! He was a trained tiger. Some kids were scared but not me!"
"??"
If he was messing with me, he was really, really good.
The lady who was releasing the little campers at the end of the day told me what she knew about the jungle gym accident, and she said she checked him out right away. She used to be a physician.
Oh good! What a relief. A doctor on staff at the zoo.
Wait. She used to be a physician? And now she works at the zoo? What happened there? She's not old enough to be retired. She was wearing one yellow and one green tennis shoe. What's up with that crazy shit? But, he seems fine. He said it was fun...but he'd totally think dangerous was fun. Ahhh!
I know. I need medication.
12 Fabulous People Comment:
Oh, mommy, you need some Valium.
Oh, that's way better than my school, who had me pick him up for a bump on the head! I wish they were more laid back.
And? I'd LOVE to feed a tiger!
I just found your blog and it is way too funny! Love the story... and not to worry, there are lots of us folks out there who let their minds wonder like you do. It just happens.
Can't wait to read more!
Yes, you need medication. Just one of the many reasons you're so entertaining darling one :-)
What a fabulous experience for him. I would love to feed a tiger or an elephant.
Perhaps she just realized what morons people are and it's more enjoyable to work with animals. :-) Could be she's obsessed with 7-Up and it's lemon lime goodness and she just had to wear the the yellow and green shoe to share her joyous love of it with the world? I dunno.
HI!!!
HEE HEE HEE SURELY HE WAS MESSING WITH YA!!! LET US KNOW WHEN YOU FIND OUT IT WILL BE AN INTERESTING POST.
Well he's your child, I have no doubt that my mind would go through the same freak out process once in a while... We are talking once in a while, right? ;)
I would DIE to feed a tiger. Okay, not really, but I'd LOVE to. This motherhood thing is way rough.
He FED a TIGER? Umm, holy crap. And wow. And holy crap.
Going to find myself a valium now, I've got stress by proxy.
How cool! Zoo camp! The zoo here sucks.. last year the tiger accidently got out of his "cage" and roamed around for a while. Some guys called 911 and they didn't believe them. Finally, like an hour later the zoo officials realized he was loose. I'm scared to go back.
(I'm sorry, that story was totally inappropriate! Don't worry, The fact that your zoo actually has things like 'zoo camp' probably means they're a little more organized than ours..ugh, sorry)
I know that jungle gym very well. It's frigging humungous! When we were supposed to be moving up there last summer, I spent many a few days there with the boys in between looking for houses to rent. Anyway, my oldest son bumped his head on it and had to go to the first aid for ice and a sit down!
I am so glad that I read the post before this one that said he really didn't feed a tiger. I would have been freaking out for you.
That little guy is a genius...watch out, get some meds and a glass of wine. You will need it.
Post a Comment