"Dad, I know how boys and girls are made."


"You do?"

"Sure. If the nest is cold it's going to be a boy and if the nest is warm it will be a girl."

Whew! Turtles...)


Every morning when Shark gets up the first thing he does is come to give me a hug. On weekdays, I'm usually standing at my bathroom counter getting ready for work when the hug comes.

One day, he walked in as usual and mumbled, deep and gravelly, "MomIgottapeethenI'llgiveyouahug," and disappeared into the water closet.

A minute later he opened the door and came to stand beside me, eyes half closed, arms at his sides, and in a scratchy voice said, "OK Mom. Go for it."


"Mom, I'm having a problem at school and I don't know the solution."

(Oh, please not a math question at 7:25 a.m.)

"I get foughtin' over."

"Um, what?"

"At school. I'm popular and the kids fight over me, like sitting by me at lunch and stuff. They push and fight all the time."

(Great, he needs my advice with this? Not one of the problems I had in school, kid.)

"Well, how are you handling it?"

"Right now, I'm just letting it be a fight for survival."


"Whatya reading?"

"A book called Martin Dressler."

He reaches over and rifles the pages on the left side of the book.

"What page are you on?"

"Two hundred and forty-seven."

Looking surprised, "Did it start at 1?"

Edited to add: I've posted the Shark Bites Archives in the sidebar so they are sort of collected in one place. I believe that soon, I'll be alternating between Shark Bites and Bear Bites!


Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Ha ha! Love that kid - so funny! (A fight for survival...ha!)

Rima said...

These always crack me up. He's such a smart and funny kid! I love the last one.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

rima: He was so funny - the real surprise on his face that I'd read over 200 pages!! It was hilarious.

Auds at Barking Mad! said...

I don't know why the retort "Did it start at 1?" cracked me up, but I'm still giggling over it. That and "I get foughtin over!" That's priceless and oh to have had those kinds of issues as a kid!

Busted said...

LMAO! Those are great! What a funny little guy.

Anonymous said...

those are fantastic. is that true about turtles?

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

wheels: Actually, I wasn't sure, but Shark is always right about these things. I have no freaking idea how he knows some of this stuff.

I Googled it just now and he is correct. From a British journal:
Laboratory studies over the past fifteen years have shown that in some reptiles sexual differentiation depends on the temperature prevailing during incubation of the eggs. In these reptiles, the effects of egg incubation temperature on sex determination are striking Low temperatures (20-27°C) produces one sex, higher temperatures (30°C and above) produces the other.

Isn't it hilarious that I just Googled "turtle sex next temperature"?

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I meant to type "turtle sex NEST temperature."

...but you probably figured that out.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

He is so cute! I love "foughten." Miss C says "bited" instead of bitten. It's adorable.

p.s. Still think he has the prettiest eyes!

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Wise beyond his years

Reynie said...

Fightin for survival is a good skill to learn early in life. let them fight.

Rachel said...

I love that you call it a Water Closet :-)

Seriously, he is too cute. I love his p.o.v. The Shark Bites are some of my favorite reading. He is so cute and so funny.

Can't wait to 'see' what Bear has to say!

maitlandmommy said...

omg - i could just reach through the computer and squeeze him to death. How can you not just smooch on himn all the time especially when he says stuff that funny?

Pamela Kramer said...

I love it! Boy turtle, girl turtle kids fighting over him at school. Ah good times!

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