8 Tips for Painting A Room Red. Or Purple.

Text Message from Amy to Mr. P Monday, December 7th, 4:16 p.m. "If u beat me home do not b alarmed." (Husbands love text messages that begin like that.) "Am not painting the walls the color of cement." ******************************************** I painted my kitchen last week, covering wallpaper that I've never liked and determined I would cover up as soon as we moved in. That was in 2004. But the day had come. For bloggy reasons I no longer recall, I took a picture of my kitchen and when I downloaded it and saw the fruit walls, that was IT. I was seeing it with fresh eyes, and hating it anew. The fruit was going away before the end of this year.

After much deliberation, I choose to coat my walls in a fine Pinot Noir, the most expensive of all reds. Perhaps a lovely Central Coast Pinot, with subtle violet perfume, damp leaves and earthy spices for flavor, leather tones for richness. You know, purple. I went to The Home Depot for paint. The paint man looked like a Santa that successfully completed the South Beach Diet. I handed over my paint sample square (Deep Garnet from Glidden) and told him I needed one gallon. Then I added, "You know, I'm painting over a patterned wallpaper. Do you think I need a primer?" He looked at me and smiled in a nice but slightly condescending you poor dear clueless woman way, and said that yes, an oil-based primer coat first, otherwise in a year the fruit will possibly begin to show through. Oh no no no! I want the fruit gone. Scan me some primer! He helpfully added, looking pointedly at me, that the reds - just like with hair color - are the most difficult to do. (OK, he didn't say the hair color part, but I know it's also true of hair color.) He mentioned that I would need more than one coat, even after the primer. He looked at me with that smile again. Was he trying to warn me...? You don't scare me Skinny Santa! Hand over the Pinot Paint! Later that day I sent the text message above because I had done this:

I was exceedingly happy. Even cement gray looked better than fruit walls. This was going great!

Now, I'm a fast painter. I don't waste time and I don't like to take breaks. In our "open plan" kitchen/eating area/great room, there were only 2.5 walls with fruit, and most of them covered in cabinets. I gave myself 2 days to finish, since I had to add this primer coat into my timetable.

So, I started on Monday and finished on Saturday morning.

Touche, Skinny Santa, touche.

Here is what I learned about painting in the dark red family of colors:

1. If you are covering any sort of pattern, you do in fact NEED primer.

2. Have the paint mixer add black to your can of white primer, making it gray. As Skinny Santa pointed out, nothing is more awful than painting red (or dark purple) over white. Easier coverage if you've tinted the primer.

3. This color was unforgiving in every way. Any blemish on your wall will show more than with a lighter color. Your brush and roller marks show more. (I spent a lot of time smoothing the last coat with the most "fine" and "smooth" foam rollers money can buy.)

4. Painting with wine colored paint around ultra white cabinets and woodwork - also unforgiving. Any small mistake is more obvious, so I had to go much slower than usual.

5. Even with a gray primer coat, it took 3 coats of wine paint to cover. The darker the color, the more coats you need. (What kind of world works like that? I thought I'd stepped through the looking glass into Bizarro World, or Counter-Intuitive Land. I hate Counter-Intuitive Land.)

6. General Painting Tip: It's a pain to clean out your rollers and brushes each time you are stopping for the day, right? You don't have to! Wrap them in plastic wrap and put them in the fridge. They stay soft and are ready to go back to work when you pull them out.

7. My Last Painting Tip: Don't use that blue painter's tape. I'll never use it again. I've used it successfully before, but the kitchen is now the second time that I've had it pull paint off when I went to pull the tape. I had to use a steak knife and score the line between the tape and the paint all over the kitchen and pull very slowly, and still had to take a small art brush and touch up areas where the new color pulled off and left me with gray primer.

8. My Actual Last Tip For Painting Your Room Red or Purple: Hire a professional to do it.

I do love it though.

Don't you want to lick my walls? Um, wine!