I recently posted highlights from my notes on a Personal Branding session at a blogging conference. Reading back through everything I'm wondering, not for the first time, about the dichotomy between "authenticity" and "branding."
Bloggers who write about their life make choices each time they sit down to post. You could post about the fight you had with your husband or you could post about your daughter winning the science fair because both things happened.
The question is: What is your blog about? The process of answering this question is personal branding. As I began to filter out certain types of posts - both in terms of style and content - it shaped my brand, even though I wasn't thinking of it that way.
I've decided my blog will be a place to focus on the good in life, the positive, the things I don’t want to forget, and will not be an outlet for frustration or a way to work through issues. (Though I may occasionally slip. Push-button publishing is not for the weak, y'all.)
So without even trying, I have branded myself a run-of-the-mill mommy blogger, complete with recipes, photographs and stories about adorable kids, and some super nice footwear.
But is it authentic? Can it be, if I've made a decision to not blog certain things? My life isn't all cupcakes and beach vacations and new shoes and darling children (I KNOW! So unfair.), but what if that is all I choose to show? Am I unwittingly presenting myself as a Super Mommy (which I'm so not), or a Fashionista (which I only am when I'm in the mood to be), or a Domestic Goddess (just God forbid) by virtue of highlighting certain things and leaving others out?
When I was having this site re-designed I asked readers to tell me what they thought this blog should look like. The response was basically "a little black dress." That totally made sense and it is consistent with who I really am. That was also the first time I thought through the authenticity-branding tension, and I immediately posted a picture of what I look like every day at home (it's not awesome). That felt like an authentic move. But I felt authentic before I posted the fugly pants too.
Everything I post about my experiences and my feelings about them is true. Are 'true' and 'authentic' somehow different in this context? Would I have to break my own rules, which are in place to protect my family as much as for my own benefit, and give a more complete picture in order to be fully authentic? I'm not trying to pretend to be something I'm not, but if I designate “the good stuff” as my boundary, am I misleading the reader?
I've posted about housekeeping -um- challenges, and guilt about working, and miserable commutes with the boys. Sometimes I'm so tired and frustrated with them in the evenings I want to leave home...but I'll take a picture of Bear in the tub smiling at me and either that or nothing will probably be what gets posted. I'm trying to be 'glass half-full' all up in here...
If you read my blog then yes, you know me. You know a lot about what I value and some about what I struggle with and more than you probably want to know about my favorite brand of eyeliner. But you don't know everything. I've met a lot of my "online friends" (dang that sounds skeevy) in person and you know what? I still don't know everything about them, but I absolutely know them! We greet each other for the first time as old friends. They have each been just like their blogs read, only sometimes taller.
There is a blogger I read and love who recently revealed that she has accepted the fact that she is an alcoholic and has begun attending AA. It was shocking. Her blog readers had no idea. Did she have an obligation to be transparent about the fact that she drank too much every day? Did she portray herself and her life as a wife and mother falsely to hundreds of people? Was she inauthentic in creating a personal brand that left this part out?
Where are you with this? Do your readers see a real picture of you or by the nature of the choice in what you post or don't post, have you created a persona that is too partial and incomplete to be considered authentic?
*Apparently looking at one's shoes can be as much a source of identity crisis as a clarifying exercise. *Ahem*
35 Fabulous People Comment:
Excellent post, Amy! Like you, I only give a snapshot of my life thru my blog, but I sorta feel like, as fellow bloggers, we *know* that about each other already. I like reading real-life blogs, women whom I identify with in some way, even if it is, yes, sugar-coated.
Great post.
I only give a snapshot, however, I feel like I put myself OUT THERE. Anything I have written is absolutely true and I have even revealed some things about my life (past and some present) that I'm not all that proud of, but it's there.
I would be very interested to know what most of my readers think of me...and if that gels with the real me.
Very thought-provoking.
I write for Alexis, so I only include things that are appropriate to tell her. Like, I wouldn't write about a huge fight between her dad and I since it wouldn't be fair to only represent my side of the story. That said, I think the site is still a very accurate portrayal of me. Other than the fact that I do cuss in person (I have a thing about cussing in writing--I can't do it), I've yet to have someone say anything other than that I was what they expected when they met me.
So . . . when I hunt you down and stalk you for dinner some day, you will have to say if you agree or not. ;-)
Trenches - You were the first non-Nashville blogger I met and you are so true to your brand. I thought, "I knew I liked this woman!"
Michelle - I feel "out there" too as well as far as my general personality, just not all the specifics of my life. There are really good things I don't blog too. There isn't enough time, so you make choices. Blog Me is more outgoing than Real Life Me.
BB - I can't wait to meet you and I know you will be the person I know from your blog! I am also writing a lot for my kids now and that certainly impacts my choices.
I think this is tricky, because much of the "authentic" - or MESSY - stuff that I would like to share (and could benefit from writing out) involves other people. And those people might read my blog. And even if they caused a mess in my life, I don't want to hurt them. So in that way, I don't allow myself to be completely transparent about my real life, my real issues. Like I said, I think it's tricky...
"Authentic" and "telling everything" aren't the same.
If I run into you somewhere, I'm not inauthentic if I leave out the fact I went to Starbuck's this morning and that my car is missing a hubcap.
I suppose I'd be inauthentic if I implied that I owned the Starbuck's and that the car in question is a Jag.
Not sure why people (that was a general "people", not you) have the notion that a blogger is only "real" if every detail of life is recorded.
Busy Mom - I agree with you. And authentic doesn't equal telling all in my mind either. I guess what I wrestle with (because I'm not going to be a tell-all blog no matter what) is the fact that blogging is for public consumption and we are creating an identity out here. Is this somehow unintentionally deceptive if that identity is comprised of all our sunshine and little of our rain.
I'm not Super Mom but I play one on the Internet...
Such a well written post. When I first started blogging I felt so inadequate. I would read about everyone's life and go "wow" what a great life. However, I have to remember it is like walking through a suburban neighborhood looking into living room windows. Looks perfect sometimes but everyone has something going on--good, bad and sometimes the ugly. We are all more alike and sometimes I think we forget!!
Great post!
I think you can share authentic bits and pieces on a blog. Just as there are some topics you discuss with only some friends/family there are inevitabley things you may choose not to share on a blog. My personality is very open and friendly ,yet I am also very private in some ways & about some issues. Really, it is possible. What I really mean to say is in no way are you run of the mill- there are no run of the mill moms. Each one is a super hero in her own right. I love your blog & the parts of you that I know from reading it. I don;t have a blog so I guess you don't know me but I am much taller in person (and less wrinkly)
Love reading your thoughts on this and everyone else's. I definitely only blog certain snippets of my life by choice. I admire a lot of the bare their soul bloggers out there but I am SO not that person. Which seems funny when one is a blogger, no? (Because on the surface it appears to be a very extrovert type activity.)
I choose not to blog a lot about things that really stress me (like financial crap, etc) I also do not blog about work. By choice.
A couple of years ago I found that someone had linked to my blog and commented about how I sounded so fabulous and like I had such a great stress free life and they would love to go shopping with me like I was Super Miss Happy Go Lucky and I am REALLY NOT. I mean I think I'm a fun person but I work, I'm a mom, I scrub toilets just like the next person. It made me realize how people really do just get a little snippet of your personality through blogging.
Any way...love your thoughts!
I blog what I want to remember...some of the time.
Do I want to remember that LOST drove me crazy this week? No...but it's a dialogue I like to have;)
There are large parts of my life that I have to leave out (Husband) It's just the way that it is. I do however feel like I'm extremely authentic on my blog. I blog exactly the way I talk and am.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing...
I agree with what you've written here. I think you do a great job with the "themes" you've chosen for your blog. You are obviously conscious and committed. Yay, Amy! From where I sit, it's a lot of work, and you make it look easy.
I don't think it is in any way "inauthentic" to leave things out. Most relationships in real life are no more revealing than what you learn about a person from reading their blog for a while.
2 Little Irish Boys - The looking in living room windows is the perfect analogy. The glimpse is real, it's just not all.
amie - Ha! You sound tall. And thin too!
Jamie - You hit on the thing - the thing where I have presented a fabulous me that simply doesn't really exist because while it's all true, it's incomplete.
I believe personal bloggers experience this as an unintended consequence of their writing. (Except the soul-bearer types you mentioned.)
de - I wish you lived next door to me. xoxo
Amy, that conference must have been something. You have so much to write about & it's all great.
I don't think that you are being "inauthentic" (dang is that even a word) if you just post the good. I post about my life in general, the good, bad and ugly. Do I post it all no. But an important part of who I am, who I share online is a person that struggles with depression and fibromyalgia. So I try to keep it real, not that I don't think that if you don't blog every last thing you aren't keeping it real.
Gosh, I feel like I am just blabbering and filling up space on the blog. I think my blog is who I really am, what I am really like. Now what vibe I think I send out and what people perceive as the real me...well, I am not sure. People have told me that I am just like I am on the blog.
I think its all about what you want to put out there. Before I publish something about the girls I ask them about it. There have been things that I haven't published because ultimately it didn't need to be shared online.
Okay, again sorry about the novel of a comment, I don't even know if it made sense. If not, know that I think you are awesome, you rawk and *mwah*
Wendi - Oh this is nothing. After a dry spell filled with cooking and bad photography, I not only went to a conference I read a book Sunday that I may blog the ever loving crap out of - it was that good.
Heather - Me + You = Same Page.
I love authenticity, and I am naturally drawn to blogs in which the voice of the writer is more transparent. I don't think authentic people are necessarily "tell all" people, as mentioned earlier. However, I believe authenticity is knowing who you are, and then representing no more, and no less of your true self. I believe that through my life experiences, and my writing, I have the ability to connect with other women. But I also know my limits, and I'm not afraid to say, "I'm a terrible cook." "I sometimes let the dust bunnies accumulate in my house to the point that they start hopping around the living room." "I fail as a mom...frequently." It's not about full disclosure, but honest in what we do decide to share. Does that make sense?
Good discussion over here. I am careful about what I put out there and what I don't, but not because I'm creating an identity.
Everything that I do post is ME. A reader can fill between the lines to come up with who they think the Hollywood Housewife is, and maybe they're right and maybe they're not. My only obligation here is to be authentic and I am. And it's only my obligation because I've promised that, not because the simple act of having a blog means transparency.
You made me think, dang it! I've only been blogging for a little over a year, and I'm still working things out. I just post about what I like to do and about my cute kids and anything that helps me that could also help someone else.
I think as long as you are being yourself and expressing yourself through your voice, your blog is authentic no matter what you choose to include or exclude about your life.
Oh I struggle with this EVERY. DAY. And you articulate it so well. I think you can be authentic without sharing everything, but I also think that sometimes it's good to let it all hang out a little - not to the point that we sacrifice our family's privacy, but at least letting people know that we don't have it all together.
I just have to add that it was so lovely meeting you at Blissdom and I wish we'd had a chance to hang out for a while.
Really INTERESTING and well done post! I love the example of the shoes (all fab) that are you, but that the less fab ones may not be shown. And I think that is totally okay. Posting about the things in life that bring you joy is ultimately you and very positive.
I feel like I try to focus more on the positive as well (but not always) largely because a lot of it I plan to share with my son someday. Some things feel just too personal to him and my husband to share. But i am trying to work it all out still, too! Thanks for getting the wheels turning ;)
I read this earlier tonight and thought it was so special that I needed to think on it and read it again before I commented. I'm not surprised that you've had so many comments in the meantime. It's really something, and there's almost as much good stuff from you in the comments as in the post. I so enjoy your recipes, photos, and stories, and I don't feel misled by seeing the good stuff of your life. Doing my blog has helped me tune into my good stuff. I wouldn't have guessed that that's what I'd put out there, but once I got started, I found that that's what came out. It's me, but it is a more optimistic, contented me than my husband often gets in person. I think that's OK.
Amy - I do think it makes sense. I think any holes, however gaping, are unintended.
Laura - I feel transparent too, and I'm genuine in what I write. I hope that's enough.
Sally - I love your last sentence. So true!
Musings - It was so nice to meet you too! Thanks for stopping by. I do the same thing - I try to blog some hard days and some fail whales once in a while. Well like those pants in that post I linked. heh.
mudmama - I do think that when your blog is partly for your kids to have someday you certainly think about it differently. Not lack of authenticity, but just a different editing eye.
Rebecca - Brilliant! Once you've been doing it a while, there is a style and focus that just comes out of you. What could be more authentic than that? And I also know that my blog has helped me focus on the positive and also helped me to laugh at myself more. All good things...
Personally, I'd rather read a blog that highlights the positives in the life than a blog that always complaining, whining, navel gazing, etc. While I do love the posts where bloggers just put it all out there about their depression, addiction, loss or trials, because it helps me to know that I'm not alone, I don't want to read those kind of posts all the time. I think there are lots of ways to be authentic.
Love this discussion. I think that sometimes as bloggers, we confuse authenticity with accuracy. I think 100% accuracy. is nearly impossible on a blog, partly because of the time that it would take to truly capture every detail of life...and partly because there is no person alive that has a perfect life and sometimes writing about those difficult things in life involves other people.
Authenticity, though, comes through in your tone, your interactions in social media, how you interact in your community.
I don't write every single thing that happens to me, though I do sometimes tread very close to a line where I know I shouldn't be writing what I'm writing about. Some days I write silly things, some days I write whiny things, sometimes I leave out details that could hurt someone, sometimes I take liberties with what I write to help with the flow of my stories. Not 100% accurate, but it is 100% authentic.
Now with all that said, I struggle with things I feel like I can't write about because of what is expected of me. People don't come to my blog to read about politics or religion. It feels limiting, it has felt that I'm not being true to who I am...but it really is that murky line between maintaining my "brand" and my authenticity.
I hope this rambling comment makes sense.
Jennifer - I love your comment on so many levels. If I had to define "authentic" I'd say something like "to represent something honestly." That doesn't imply (to me anyway) a detailed 100% accurate description, like you point out.
But what if someone in real life felt that your online persona didn't match? That makes you stop and think. You've selected out negatives, even out of a good motive like keeping an upbeat tone or inspiring others, in such a way that just maybe -- you've not entirely "represented yourself honestly."
So in this overarching sense authenticity has come into question, even though the authenticity of each individual post is solid. It's weird to build something the pieces of which are all truly authentic, but taking it as a whole, it comes up short. Maybe....
I'm think this is possible - that this can happen to us as personal bloggers.
And I get what you mean about finding yourself with a brand that suddenly feels like a straight jacket. It's like Meg Ryan trying to play anything other than the adorable sweetheart. People want to see a "Meg Ryan movie" not Meg Ryan playing in some other kind of movie.
In this Blissdom session Alli said "just do it!" If you need to change your focus you have to just do it. Easier said than done!
Don't know how authentic I am, I just write about what I am feeling is important (to me) at the time. But I gotta say you look pretty hot in the mom uniform! BTW, I received the gift card, thank you.
really thoughtful post. you really write well.
i've never really thought about branding, per se. i guess i should, since that is sort of my background. but it's more design than marketing.
i digress.
what bugs me about blogging is that i'll do a random, snarky commenty post it note deal and i'll get 18 comments, and then i'll post something i've worked really hard on and it's crickets chirping.
perhaps there are lurkers, but i will admit. i'm kind of a comment whore with those four people who comment.
sigh.
for the most part, i do try to be real and authentic. and try not to be boring. and as a christian, i strive to be honoring to the people and topics i write about.
i guess it's like if i write it and noone comments was it still worth writing? does what i wrote still matter? yep. it does. and i have to remember all the time, that i really only write for an audience of One. (i just hope he doesn't cringe too much on post it note tuesdays)
I love this post. Honestly, I never really think about were I want my blog to "go". I just write. I'm not sure what the right answer is.
Oh, this is such a great topic, and we could all talk for hours. Would be great as a topic at a blogging conference! :)
Oh, I so don't know what to answer on this one. Definitely I'm revealing a snapshot, yet... hopefully an authentic one part of who I am. But, you're making me think. A lot.
Just sumbled this amazing post - My blog is Theta Mom which I have defined as the true and authentic mom, two of the very same words you defined in this post.
Is my blog always positive based on the posts I choose to write? No - BUT, I certiainly think there are some boundaries. I will not blog about the fight I had with my husband or family matters that would come off as airing dirty laundry. I also wouldn't want to post something that may offend someone I love. I don't think authenticity has to mean dishing every little secret of your life.
Having said that, I think blogging is a way to connect with others that have similar interests/experiences, so posting some not-so-great moments end up resonating with readers. And these are the honest moments that I think authenticity shines through.
How is it that I am just finding you now??? Following.
After reading you site, Your site is very useful for me .I bookmarked your site!
Good points…I would note that as someone who really doesn’t write on blogs much (in fact, this may be my first post), I don’t think the term “lurker” is very becoming to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault really , but perhaps the blogosphere could come up with a better, non-creepy name for the 90% of us that enjoy reading the posts.
That is nice to definitely find a site where the blogger knows what they are talking about.
Anon re: "lurker" -- Excellent point. I'm often a lurker myself and I never really thought about it before, but it has a creepy connotation. Sorry about that.
Anon #3: Thank you.
Post a Comment